My dearest little man. I am so excited for you to discover the wonders of our world. Love, adventure, joy and discovery are just a few of the gifts that make life breathtaking. Of all the wishes and dreams that I carry in my heart for you, none is greater than my hope that you will live your life to its fullest.

Know that wishes and dreams can be elusive things, my love. They can seem tauntingly close and painfully distant at the same time. They can lift us up or break our spirits with equal ease. For many, the evasive nature of dreams can cause pain too great to bear. Others tire of the chase and accept a lesser prize, unsettled and forever caged by curiosity about what might have been. But those that can persevere through doubt, fear and uncertainty are a rare and special thing. Find those few, surround yourself with them, share life together and you will never lack the courage to keep seeking.

Each of us encounters obstacles in our journey; people, resources, even knowledge. While some hurdles can be overtaken gracefully, others may seem woefully daunting. Resources and knowledge are the simplest to overcome; they are commodities that can be grown, traded and shared if ever you are lacking. People, however, pose the most challenging obstruction to navigate. In moments when you find yourself overwhelmed by relationships, sentiments, or social expectations, always remember that people are meant to encourage one another. Those that offer shame, hate, anger or derision in place of encouragement walk a different path than yours. Trust yourself to prevail against all barriers and you will. Take heart that you will find the way and lead others along with you.

I hope to grow old with you, my boy. I hope to share in your journey and see you impact the world for good in ways that I cannot imagine. I hope to be the encouraging voice that supports your dreams and emboldens you to pursue greatness. And in the moments when I am the obstacle, I ask that you remind me of my great wish for you. And I ask that you take heart, find the way, and lead me along with you.

I will love you always – Daddy

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

 

Espionage is predictable and ugly. Most people do not realize the repetitive nature of spying; that it is more akin to a child’s ‘color by numbers’ book than an Ian Fleming story line. Perhaps the predictability of espionage – the secrecy, the exclusivity, the winners and losers – is what makes it so interesting to people. While there may be mystery to the art of spying, there is also power in seeing the pattern. The same pattern used to pitch treason abroad is used by statesmen, salesmen and scammers to steal an important commodity from each of us: hope. But like most repetitive things, espionage is a game of diminishing returns played by people who yearn for the same changes that they fear.

The stage was set; we knew where the target would be, when he would be there, and we knew he would be alone. Our CIA lead officer was charged with making first contact. If the bump was a failure, only the lead officer’s face would be known and the rest of us could disperse unnoticed. But if the bump was a success, we were able to mobilize quickly to get cash, tech, or other support items to the lead officer at the wave of his hand.

Number 1: Contact
Espionage requires contact. Whether digital, physical, personal or impersonal, there can be no spying without contact. As a result of this requirement, spies have a different perspective on contact than the average person. An email can be exciting or suspicious; a cell phone equally convenient and risky; a relationship both a strength and a vulnerability. Over time, the constant uncertainty about contact makes spies paranoid and intensely focused on themselves – their safety, their career trajectory, their success. Yet still espionage attracts the passionate and intelligent like moths to a blue light, ignorant of fate ahead of them. Predictable, but ugly.

The operation was bare-bones; no tech, no radio, no weapons. It had to look like a casual exchange in a public setting. The target liked high-end items, things he couldn’t get in his own country, so we dressed our lead officer in finery – nothing too ostentatious, just enough to catch the eye of a narcissist. The goal was to make contact and drive for a simple exchange; a friendly conversation, a cup of coffee, maybe paying for an impromptu lunch. With the designer clothing and accessories worn by our officer, it would be easy to convince the target to let us pick up the tab.

Number 2: Exchange
Espionage requires exchange. The exchange can be anything: information, money, conversation, goods. What matters in espionage is that the exchange is unequal; that the target gives more than they receive, without realizing it. I have seen operations where foreign assets get paid in gold bars, powdered milk and even pornography in exchange for treason against their country. The unequal exchange is critical because it lays the foundation for dependence. Without dependence – some kind of perceived need – there can be no control, and every spy wants control over their asset. But control does not end at the operation. The truth is that spies themselves are also controlled; not by an individual but by the larger organization they serve. And like the target, spies are also fooled into giving more than they receive, without realizing it. Predictable, but ugly.

Success! We watched as our officer lead the target to a quiet coffee shop a block away from where they met. A quick and inconspicuous hand-gesture signaled that we needed to split-up and send one officer into the coffee shop with an envelope thick with money. A second officer would stage outside of the coffee shop and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Our faces were still unknown to the target, shades of ‘the crowd’. To the target, it seemed like a lucky day where he met a friendly guy with deep pockets in line at the weekend market. To us, the plan was working perfectly.

Number 3: Compromise
Espionage requires compromise. An asset’s worth is a reflection of his or her immediate utility, and their utility is tied to their willingness to compromise. Telling secrets is not natural to anyone; even the biggest gossips refrain from divulging everything they know. While it is nearly impossible to get someone to change their personal values, it is surprisingly easy to get people to compromise on their values when they feel the situation is lucrative and private. This is the step where spies are born. Whether considering a foreign asset selling secrets for money, a terrorism suspect naming associates in exchange for a pardon, or a CIA officer sacrificing marriage, parenthood, and work/life balance, compromise is king in a kingdom of deceit. Predictable, but ugly.

I never saw the target in person again. I continued to track him from a distance, reading his progress on the road to espionage through reports that came in periodically. I saw the lead officer far more often, coming back to the office after meetings. He would come in, remove and return all the fine things he was wearing to impress the target, and walk home to an empty apartment in the same loafers and windbreaker he wore into the office that morning. This is espionage by the numbers.

The pattern is there for us to see. It is part of our daily lives. Contact, exchange and compromise have become pillars in our professional careers, peer networks and national politics. The question is whether we find ourselves giving more than we receive and compromising personal values without even realizing it.

By seeing the pattern we give ourselves the power to stop it; to break it; to change it. We do not need to fear the change – we need to drive it. If we do not drive the change ourselves than we hand control over to others; to those who see no value in positive change. From there the future becomes less hopeful and more predictable and ugly. But when each of us commits to driving positive change in our own lives we break the cycle that leads to compromise. It is at that point that we steer toward a new and better future for this generation and the generations to come. 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

 

Discouragement is difficult and very real. It is often the elephant in the room, standing alone and unmentioned for fear that acknowledging its existence might make it rage. While looking away from it might help us feel safe, the fact is that we benefit more by facing it head-on and forcing it out of our space.

This week was painfully discouraging for me. Even while celebrating my son’s 4th birthday and seeing him well over with joy, my heart was suffering from multiple conversations that had shaken my confidence, courage and optimism. My work to grow the Me.Now. Movement was at the core of my discouragement after feeling the movement come under criticism, doubt, and even perceived attack from outside. In addition to my own setbacks, I saw some of my closest friends and peers experience hurdles of their own professionally, personally and with loved ones. From within my turmoil I felt compelled to confront my discouragement openly in this post, in the hopes that others might find comfort in knowing how I deal with discouragement.

In January of 2011, less than six weeks after moving to Thailand with my wife, I contracted Dengue Fever from an infected mosquito. Known as ‘Bone Break Fever’, Dengue Fever infects up to 100 Million people each year and has no known cure. Symptoms vary slightly but share one common factor – extreme pain. Headaches, joint pain and muscle pain are at the core of dengue symptoms along with uncontrollable fevers, rashes and bouts of fatigue. A healthy 30yr old American male, the disease wrecked me physically. I spent 7 consecutive days sleeping in fits, fighting off a 104 degree fever, and rejecting all food. All my wife could do for me was mix water and Gatorade together to keep me from dehydrating while the fever ran its course. My weight dropped rapidly and my confidence went with it. When I finally pulled myself out of bed on day 8, the mirror looked back with hollow cheeks and sunken eyes.

My fear that first day out of bed was that I would never get back to the level of health I had before dengue. Also on my mind was the fact that should I contract Dengue Fever a second time, my chances for survival would drop by about 5% and leave me vulnerable to a hemorrhagic fever – one where the autoimmune system cannot fight off the disease. I was overwhelmed with discouragement. Unlike the United States, Southeast Asia never implemented mosquito control measures to fight off or eliminate the disease. Living and traveling in Thailand would pose a constant threat of repeat infection.

I had two options at this point: give in to the discouragement and live in fear of another infection, or face my discouragement head-on to live the life I wanted. When facing debilitating fear, there can only be one answer – fight. Only fighting gives you the hope of winning. Giving up is a guaranteed loss. So I fought.

My body recovered fairly quickly in terms of energy levels and flexibility. While it took me 2 years to gain back the weight that I had lost, I was able to start running again within just a few months. When I look back at photos before and after my stint with dengue, I see the impact from that one little bite. But when I look back on the story of my life, I am so glad that I did not let discouragement change my course.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail