“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I recently came across a statement by author and performance coach Jack Canfield where he expanded on Dr.King’s quote:

“Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that’s how life tends to unfold before us.”

In 2011 my wife and I decided we were going to adventure our way through northern Thailand to find and attend one of the most elusive cultural festivals in the world: Yi Peng. If you’ve ever seen a travel guide or sales brochure with the picture of a night sky full of floating lanterns, that is Yi Peng. Like all great cultural festivals, Yi Peng has suffered commercialism and cheap tourist knock-offs of the celebration can be found all over Southeast Asia. But there is still only one authentic Lanna Yi Peng festival and it can be found in Chiang Mai, Thailand on the night of the first full moon of the second month (‘Yi Peng’) in the Lanna calendar (November in the western calendar). And for anyone with the patience and willingness to roam through a city that doesn’t speak English, following strangers who look at your guide book photo and point toward a barren dirt mound on the outskirts of town, Yi Peng is waiting for you.

Jack Canfield’s visual of a car driving in the dark is powerful because we’ve all had that experience. We were all afraid of night driving when we first started driving, and we all see it as second nature over time. That journey in 2011 was one of the most rewarding drives in the dark I’ve ever taken. Like Dr. King notes, no great achievement is easily visible from the starting point. Sometimes we have to trust that the next step will become visible only after we take the first step. That first step into the unknown, that blackness just beyond the headlights, is always the hardest.

When you get to Yi Peng, you will see hundreds of strangers gather on the mount with you. The sun sets and darkness collapses around you. Then one by one, small candles ignite and large paper lanterns are handed through the crowd. Families gather together to unfold their lanterns and light the candles that hang at the bottom. They speak their prayers and wishes for a good year out loud and believe they are filling the lantern with the same. And as the candle glows brighter and the hot air fills the lantern, everyone releases their hopes into the sky. And for a while, there is no more darkness. The lights of a thousand dreams blanket the hill and fend off the darkness. As the lanterns float higher and get caught in strong breezes, they are swiftly carried away together to higher altitudes and faraway places. The light fades away and the darkness returns.

What Yi Peng taught me was that we do not need to find lights in the dark before we move forward. Instead, we need to be the lights in the dark that carry our dreams higher.

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We can all relate to a child’s wonderment; where imagination rules and even mundane objects can bring hours of exploration and intrigue. While watching children discover the world around them has always been endearing for parents, a child’s curiosity also presents an important lesson for those pursuing success: Wonderment brings achievement.

Children are perseverance personified. They can be unwaveringly focused or infuriatingly obstinate without showing fatigue or hesitation. They seem to float from activity to activity with little regard for the outcome. Their lives stand as polar opposites to the frustration, exhaustion, and discouragement many of us encounter in our pursuit of personal and professional success. And time and again we find that children achieve incredible things almost by accident – they speak multiple languages, devise complex stories, construct and climb terrifying obstacles, and show genuine compassion at totally unexpected times.

If ever we wanted an example to model, let me offer children as that model. No, I am not proposing that we stop sharing, throw tantrums, or tell fibs about other children – though I would argue that many business and political leaders do exactly that. Instead I am offering that we emulate the way children imagine, explore and let themselves wonder without the expectation of a specific result. To a child, a toy may look and feel the same way every day but there are no limitations to how it can be used. They may see someone day after day but that does not negate that person’s value. Routine is never routine for a child, and there are endless variations to the standard.

Children do not care about intentions, purpose or utility. To them, every person, moment and object is potentially interesting and worthy of wonder. It is stunning how our perspectives change when we grow up. As adults, we prioritize our lives around intentions, purpose and utility. We choose certain people, moments or objects as worthy of our time and even begin to think that it is the responsibility of others to inspire our sense of wonder. With such selective criteria before we choose to put in effort, how do we ever expect to break free of our current routine?

There are many things that stand between us and our ambitions; we must not let ourselves be one of them. Let wonderment be a tool for change. Explore the world around you with the limitless curiosity and unbiased mind of a child. Even though it may seem hard to change the way you think, remember that you too were once a child. Wonderment brought you to where you are. Let it take you to where you want to go next.

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In the eight months that I’ve been posting this blog, this is the first week I fear that I will fail to meet my Friday afternoon deadline. As I write, it still isn’t a guarantee. I have multiple work issues demanding my attention, a proctored mid-term for my master’s degree looming, and a beautifully pregnant wife that expects to go into labor any day. This is life in its naked glory – and everyone reading right now knows what life looks like when you strip it down.

Today my message is simple; we must give ourselves permission to try. We only stop trying if we permit ourselves to stop trying, so it stands to reason that we must also permit ourselves to keep trying. Today I am allowing myself to keep trying.

Instead of giving up and saying that my goal to post every Friday afternoon is too difficult this week, I’m going to try anyway. Instead of looking at the numerous obstacles ahead, I’m going to dare to try and navigate through them in time to reach the finish line. I don’t expect it will be pretty – I expect readers will find poor grammar, typos, and may even hate this week’s post. And if that is the case, I am genuinely sorry to disappoint. At the same time, if I can inspire even one person on the reading end of this page to give themselves permission to try, than the risks are worth it to me.

I am tired. My wife hasn’t slept well in weeks and the unborn baby she is carrying is measuring just under 9lbs. You can guess how tolerant she is of my work or school complaints right now. My 4 year old son is wonderful and equally a ray of sunshine and raging tornado every morning and every evening. Life is full of excuses and we can grab any one of them at any time. So my excuse for whatever outcome results from this post is that I… chose to try.  

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Every child of the 80s knows and loves Sesame Street’s resident sugar fiend – Cookie Monster. For those without children, Cookie now goes by the name, ‘Veggie Monster’ and sings how, “A cookie is a sometimes food” instead of his classic, “C is for Cookie.” While the passing of an iconic cookie jar and endless cookie metaphors is sad, I fully support the growing movement to combat childhood obesity and type II diabetes. But whether its cookies or veggies, the fact still remains that monsters are out there who want to eat and eat and eat. And for anyone pursuing their goals, we must be wary of those monsters that eat up our time.

There seems to be a trend among bloggers to give practical tips on how to do things; a plethora of digital ‘How to’ manuals floating endlessly on the internet. In an effort to better serve the Me.Now. community, I offer this week’s post in ‘How to’ form. Please leave your feedback in the comments section below so I can understand if this is a format you enjoy! Without further ado, I present:

“How to avoid predatory priorities with 3 easy questions”

A predatory priority, also known as a ‘time suck,’ ‘succubus,’ ‘waste of time,’ ‘fool’s errand,’ ‘red herring,’ or ‘snipe hunt’ is a false priority that consumes time without providing any return for the effort. I call it a false priority because, had we recognized the predator for what it was in the beginning, we never would have given it our time and attention. Instead we have been captured by it – snared in its teeth and mauled by its constant churn. While hindsight is 20/20 and we know the trap when we are in it, experience as prey does not necessarily equate to prevention. I therefore offer the following questions as a checklist that we can use before committing to new activities, new relationships, or new projects. By asking ourselves the following questions and answering them honestly, we can recognize predatory priorities and escape them before they strike!

Question 1: Will this act/relationship/project bring me closer to my goals? Too often we answer this question with, “It can’t hurt to try!” And even after we learn that YES – it can absolutely hurt to try – we still find ourselves answering the same way again and again. If we want to avoid a predator, we first have to open our eyes and see it. When we lean on failed wisdom like ‘it can’t hurt to try,’ we are closing our eyes willingly and serving ourselves up for anyone or anything that wants to consume our time and resources. Instead, answer the question honestly. YES – this will bring me closer to my goals; NO – this will not bring me closer to my goals, or I DON’T KNOW – I need more information to determine Yes or No. Not knowing is a totally acceptable answer. It gives you the space to learn more without committing yourself to something you don’t understand and may not enjoy. Predatory priorities want you to commit in ignorance and feel obligated to stay even after you recognize the trap. Don’t give them the satisfaction; let them feed off someone else.

Question 2: Will this act/relationship/project introduce me to others working toward their own goals? Religious texts, cognitive research experiments, and dime-store horoscopes agree that ‘We become the company we keep.’  We’ve all seen it in our lives, usually peaking first in middle school and then again the first year of college. It happens in groups, in private, and even in public – we begin to take on the energy and the behaviors of those around us. While participating in something for entertainment purposes (a party, a multiplayer video game, a concert) can be enjoyable in the moment, we have to be careful that the moment does not turn into multiple moments that grow into a practice of being entertained. Entertainment is the worst kind of succubus and often hides itself by mimicking ‘quality time’ with others. Let me give you some examples: Facebook, Happy Hour, Night Clubs, Tailgates – while all of these things can be fun, I’m willing to bet that we do not have fun every time we participate. Even more, when our peers begin to expect our attendance, we feel pressured to keep attending. So we find ourselves spending time and resources responding to IMs we don’t care about, drinking drinks we don’t want to drink, and paying cover charges we don’t want to pay. Conversely, when you surround yourself with people working toward their own goals, you find yourself re-energized to put time and money into your own achievements and grow with the group.

Question 3: Will this act/relationship/project increase my energy or drain my energy? It’s the great family Thanksgiving Day meal question!! You know the feeling; that sinking stomach when you know that you are expected to show up, bring a dish, fake that the white meat isn’t dry, and smile your way through the over-sweetened candied yams. While family events are an easy example for this type of predator, the truth is that this scenario plays out much more often than just on holidays. We know instinctually what will energize us and what will drain us. Things that energize us are things ‘we like’ and things that drain us are usually things we ‘don’t like.’ It can feel both basic and revolutionary to abandon perceived obligations and strike out on your own. People might judge you, they might try to guilt you, they might even reject you, but that is how you catch a predator. Anytime shaming, guilting or judgment enters the game, you know you just cornered a beast. And nothing is more vicious than a cornered predator.

Keep these three questions in the toolbox; they are one possible rubric to help with day-to-day decisions. When we are courageous enough to consider these questions and answer them honestly, there is nothing that will keep us from our goals.

Predators prey on the weak by design. When we are strong, predators stay at bay. When the strong run together, we become even less appealing to possible predators. Run with us and see how far you can go.

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