A woman stood in front of me yesterday and said, “I want to quit school. What can you say to keep me in school?”

I told her that quitting is always an option, and it is a popular option. And when things get difficult and we get tired, the option to quit becomes even more appealing. But those who persevere through doubt become the hope for others. And hope can stand out.

I told her that something once inspired her to go to school, and that the ambition to finish is still inside her. When we quit, ambition does not go away. Instead, we leave it in darkness and look away. But ambition is like a light. And light can stand out.

The oceans are full of boats that travel near and far. And when night falls or storm clouds darken the sky, sailors seek a light on the shore to guide them home; to bring them hope. Each of us has the option to be the lighthouse that guides others or be the boat lost at sea. We all have the option to quit. We also have the option to stand out.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

We can all relate to a child’s wonderment; where imagination rules and even mundane objects can bring hours of exploration and intrigue. While watching children discover the world around them has always been endearing for parents, a child’s curiosity also presents an important lesson for those pursuing success: Wonderment brings achievement.

Children are perseverance personified. They can be unwaveringly focused or infuriatingly obstinate without showing fatigue or hesitation. They seem to float from activity to activity with little regard for the outcome. Their lives stand as polar opposites to the frustration, exhaustion, and discouragement many of us encounter in our pursuit of personal and professional success. And time and again we find that children achieve incredible things almost by accident – they speak multiple languages, devise complex stories, construct and climb terrifying obstacles, and show genuine compassion at totally unexpected times.

If ever we wanted an example to model, let me offer children as that model. No, I am not proposing that we stop sharing, throw tantrums, or tell fibs about other children – though I would argue that many business and political leaders do exactly that. Instead I am offering that we emulate the way children imagine, explore and let themselves wonder without the expectation of a specific result. To a child, a toy may look and feel the same way every day but there are no limitations to how it can be used. They may see someone day after day but that does not negate that person’s value. Routine is never routine for a child, and there are endless variations to the standard.

Children do not care about intentions, purpose or utility. To them, every person, moment and object is potentially interesting and worthy of wonder. It is stunning how our perspectives change when we grow up. As adults, we prioritize our lives around intentions, purpose and utility. We choose certain people, moments or objects as worthy of our time and even begin to think that it is the responsibility of others to inspire our sense of wonder. With such selective criteria before we choose to put in effort, how do we ever expect to break free of our current routine?

There are many things that stand between us and our ambitions; we must not let ourselves be one of them. Let wonderment be a tool for change. Explore the world around you with the limitless curiosity and unbiased mind of a child. Even though it may seem hard to change the way you think, remember that you too were once a child. Wonderment brought you to where you are. Let it take you to where you want to go next.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

Every child of the 80s knows and loves Sesame Street’s resident sugar fiend – Cookie Monster. For those without children, Cookie now goes by the name, ‘Veggie Monster’ and sings how, “A cookie is a sometimes food” instead of his classic, “C is for Cookie.” While the passing of an iconic cookie jar and endless cookie metaphors is sad, I fully support the growing movement to combat childhood obesity and type II diabetes. But whether its cookies or veggies, the fact still remains that monsters are out there who want to eat and eat and eat. And for anyone pursuing their goals, we must be wary of those monsters that eat up our time.

There seems to be a trend among bloggers to give practical tips on how to do things; a plethora of digital ‘How to’ manuals floating endlessly on the internet. In an effort to better serve the Me.Now. community, I offer this week’s post in ‘How to’ form. Please leave your feedback in the comments section below so I can understand if this is a format you enjoy! Without further ado, I present:

“How to avoid predatory priorities with 3 easy questions”

A predatory priority, also known as a ‘time suck,’ ‘succubus,’ ‘waste of time,’ ‘fool’s errand,’ ‘red herring,’ or ‘snipe hunt’ is a false priority that consumes time without providing any return for the effort. I call it a false priority because, had we recognized the predator for what it was in the beginning, we never would have given it our time and attention. Instead we have been captured by it – snared in its teeth and mauled by its constant churn. While hindsight is 20/20 and we know the trap when we are in it, experience as prey does not necessarily equate to prevention. I therefore offer the following questions as a checklist that we can use before committing to new activities, new relationships, or new projects. By asking ourselves the following questions and answering them honestly, we can recognize predatory priorities and escape them before they strike!

Question 1: Will this act/relationship/project bring me closer to my goals? Too often we answer this question with, “It can’t hurt to try!” And even after we learn that YES – it can absolutely hurt to try – we still find ourselves answering the same way again and again. If we want to avoid a predator, we first have to open our eyes and see it. When we lean on failed wisdom like ‘it can’t hurt to try,’ we are closing our eyes willingly and serving ourselves up for anyone or anything that wants to consume our time and resources. Instead, answer the question honestly. YES – this will bring me closer to my goals; NO – this will not bring me closer to my goals, or I DON’T KNOW – I need more information to determine Yes or No. Not knowing is a totally acceptable answer. It gives you the space to learn more without committing yourself to something you don’t understand and may not enjoy. Predatory priorities want you to commit in ignorance and feel obligated to stay even after you recognize the trap. Don’t give them the satisfaction; let them feed off someone else.

Question 2: Will this act/relationship/project introduce me to others working toward their own goals? Religious texts, cognitive research experiments, and dime-store horoscopes agree that ‘We become the company we keep.’  We’ve all seen it in our lives, usually peaking first in middle school and then again the first year of college. It happens in groups, in private, and even in public – we begin to take on the energy and the behaviors of those around us. While participating in something for entertainment purposes (a party, a multiplayer video game, a concert) can be enjoyable in the moment, we have to be careful that the moment does not turn into multiple moments that grow into a practice of being entertained. Entertainment is the worst kind of succubus and often hides itself by mimicking ‘quality time’ with others. Let me give you some examples: Facebook, Happy Hour, Night Clubs, Tailgates – while all of these things can be fun, I’m willing to bet that we do not have fun every time we participate. Even more, when our peers begin to expect our attendance, we feel pressured to keep attending. So we find ourselves spending time and resources responding to IMs we don’t care about, drinking drinks we don’t want to drink, and paying cover charges we don’t want to pay. Conversely, when you surround yourself with people working toward their own goals, you find yourself re-energized to put time and money into your own achievements and grow with the group.

Question 3: Will this act/relationship/project increase my energy or drain my energy? It’s the great family Thanksgiving Day meal question!! You know the feeling; that sinking stomach when you know that you are expected to show up, bring a dish, fake that the white meat isn’t dry, and smile your way through the over-sweetened candied yams. While family events are an easy example for this type of predator, the truth is that this scenario plays out much more often than just on holidays. We know instinctually what will energize us and what will drain us. Things that energize us are things ‘we like’ and things that drain us are usually things we ‘don’t like.’ It can feel both basic and revolutionary to abandon perceived obligations and strike out on your own. People might judge you, they might try to guilt you, they might even reject you, but that is how you catch a predator. Anytime shaming, guilting or judgment enters the game, you know you just cornered a beast. And nothing is more vicious than a cornered predator.

Keep these three questions in the toolbox; they are one possible rubric to help with day-to-day decisions. When we are courageous enough to consider these questions and answer them honestly, there is nothing that will keep us from our goals.

Predators prey on the weak by design. When we are strong, predators stay at bay. When the strong run together, we become even less appealing to possible predators. Run with us and see how far you can go.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

Convergent  –  \kən-ˈvər-jənt\ – Adjective: tending to move toward one point or to approach each other. EX: A tornado is powered by convergent airflow.

This week showed me the power of convergent community; a group of individuals moving toward a single point while at the same time moving toward one another. Merriam-Webster’s reference above to the power of a tornado is absolutely fitting. In a time where so much seems to divide us, I am grateful for the opportunity to see the impact when community unites us.

It all started with a simple blog post by William Mohaupt: St. Petersburg, Florida. Most people blog because they love to write. Writing for the pleasure of others is stressful and intimidating, but writing for your own joy is liberating and empowering. So was the story here, when William wrote about his recent trip to Florida and posted it to his virtual portfolio on WordPress. For a few days, his readership came in ones and twos like all new bloggers. Then on the fourth day his readership spiked into the hundreds. Days five and six continued to grow exponentially and his post blew past the one thousand reader mark. Today, twelve days later, his post has been viewed by more than 3,000 people!

A quick Google search will show that most bloggers are happy to have 200 views in a day. New bloggers often go a full year with fewer than 50 views a day. The blog you are reading has a good day when 40 viewers stop by. For those of us dedicated to sharing, the metrics are second to the purpose behind the content. That said, seeing how far your writing can reach is a powerful experience.

I find incredible encouragement and wisdom in posts by a young British blogger named Matt Kitson. While I’ve never met Matt, I am pretty sure of two things: 1) he and I are part of a convergent community dedicated to inspiring change, and 2) neither of us have seen 3,000 readers yet (MATT: My apologies if I’m wrong!). After seeing William’s post explode past 3,000 viewers, I couldn’t help but compare myself and wonder if my ‘good day at 40’ viewership was a sign of failure. Then one of Matt’s posts jumped into my head: Top Life Lessons I’ve learned from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book. In this post, Matt summarized Arnold’s views on his blockbuster flop, ‘Last Action Hero.’ Using Arnold’s story, Matt shared the message that the, “world doesn’t care about your failure,” and instead we should look ahead to our future successes.

When we compare ourselves to others as a way to validate success or failure, we stop being part of the community. In the same way a tornado funnels into one point on the earth, all those who focus building a better future will one day converge and drive powerful change. Nobody counts the number of times we fail, or miss, or flop; the only metric that counts is the metric that shows we tried. Only those that never start are guaranteed never to see the finish line. 

So where do all these pieces converge? William wrote his blog post on May 20th. I shared it with my ‘good day at 40’ followers on May 23rd, one of which happened to tag a restaurant discussed in William’s post. The social media person for that restaurant decided to reply to my post and re-post William’s blog on May 24th. 3,000 views later, the post keeps growing. I keep posting even when I doubt myself because of people like Matt who share wisdom from people like Arnold. My viewers grow, as do Matt’s, as do William’s. And in the end, our tornado will change the world.

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Mohammad Ali 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

 

Distractions are innumerable, ever-present and fully unavoidable. Anyone who says we should ‘avoid distractions’ is clearly not living in the same world as the rest of us. Reaching goals is about managing and prioritizing distractions without losing sight of the original objective.

Success is not found by avoiding distractions, but rather by acknowledging them for what they are – options. And like all options, distractions can be acted upon or ignored. While distractions may masquerade as obligations or demands, the fundamental difference is that distractions lose power over time.

As an example, an electric bill is an obligation. If you ignore it, it does not go away – your lights do. In contrast, an incoming call on your cell phone is NOT an obligation. If you ignore it, it will likely go to voicemail or come back as a text message. While I am not advocating that we ignore every call or jump up to immediately pay our electric bill, the comparison is sound.

When we work toward a goal we must give ourselves permission to prioritize the goal first. By doing so, we take power away from distractions before they even present themselves. Commitment to the goal gives us the space we need to see distractions as options rather than obligations. This is especially important when you encounter a distraction that could benefit your goal. For example, while cooking your grandma’s soup recipe you see an incoming call from grandma! Eureka! Answer the call and talk to the source directly – this distraction benefits your goal.

 Last week I invited anyone reading this blog to pick a goal for April. Many did, and I invite those participants to give us updates using the comment box below. For those that did not set a goal last week, I wonder how many thought, ‘I should pick a goal,’ only then to have a distraction divert their attention elsewhere. If that happened to you, that is totally okay! Share your goal now and commit to it – there are still plenty of days left to complete the April challenge.

Distractions can be overwhelming; we all know it. Rather than let ourselves feel obligated to them, let us instead see them for what they are – optional. We are obligated to our goals; the distractions are just jealous. Let them be.            

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

 

I was a covert intelligence officer for the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) living and operating under cover for nearly a decade. SPOILER ALERT – spying is not like you see in the movies. Yes, we get code names. Yes, we travel around the world on someone else’s dime. No, we do not drive nice cars. No, we do not get cutting-edge tech that fits inside a watch. But the most important thing to understand about spies is this – we are alone and we hate it.

In 2011 I was called to serve in a countersurveillance operation in a large metropolitan city in Asia. I was briefed only on the details I needed to know and given two pictures – one of the foreign agent and one of a fellow CIA officer traveling to meet the agent. My objective was to blend in with the crowd and keep a watchful eye from a distance for anyone taking a suspicious interest in the agent meeting.

Another difference from the movies is that spying is not glamorous. We do not wear bespoke suits and drink martinis while rubbing elbows with social elites. Spies are more like drug dealers, digging around in dark, dirty places selling treason to bad people. By virtue of the people we do business with, security is the top priority during operations. A spy that gets caught is an international incident. A spy that gets away lives to spy another day.

I tracked my targets on foot as they travelled through public venues engaged in hushed espionage. After nearly two hours, the two parted ways and I continued my look out to make sure neither was followed in their departure. Success – my mission was complete and I could start my own trip back home.

On that trip home I was struck by an urgent idea; I needed to leave CIA. Spies do not live in the real world. We operate in alias names, operate in cities where we do not live, and befriend people we do not like. Because of this parallel existence, spies only do what has to be done to maintain security rather than take risks to pursue great achievements. There are of course exceptions to the rule; the few outstanding officers who are selfless and uniquely dedicated in service to their country. But as with any other workplace, the few are not the norm.

I left CIA because I believed that ambition and passion would lead to a better life while security and secrecy would end only in loneliness. I believed that I needed genuine relationships to shape me into the person I was meant to be. Complacency is a slow infection – it robs us of creativity, passion and purpose and convinces us that we cannot be who we want to be; cannot do what we want to do; and cannot achieve what we want to achieve.

Just like popular movies glorify the life of spies, popular culture glorifies the life of those who ‘fit in.’ Both are works of fiction. Many of us live like spies, choosing to conceal our identity in order to blend in with the world around us. Rather than commit ourselves to great achievement, we instead do only what we must to maintain a sense of security while surrounded by people we do not like, engaged in work that does not challenge us. We justify our actions by calling them ‘responsible decisions,’ or ‘social obligations,’ or ‘necessary steps’. In the end, however – just like so many spies – we feel alone and we hate it.

Me.Now. invites all people living like spies to realize the possibilities of a deliberate life; to write a story for ourselves. Complacency is a perpetual foe that seeks to divide rather than unite. Like a spy, we are only alone for as long as we choose to stay in hiding. Once we choose to give up our cover and step into reality, we can find a community that enables us to achieve great things and a better future.    

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

 

Discouragement is difficult and very real. It is often the elephant in the room, standing alone and unmentioned for fear that acknowledging its existence might make it rage. While looking away from it might help us feel safe, the fact is that we benefit more by facing it head-on and forcing it out of our space.

This week was painfully discouraging for me. Even while celebrating my son’s 4th birthday and seeing him well over with joy, my heart was suffering from multiple conversations that had shaken my confidence, courage and optimism. My work to grow the Me.Now. Movement was at the core of my discouragement after feeling the movement come under criticism, doubt, and even perceived attack from outside. In addition to my own setbacks, I saw some of my closest friends and peers experience hurdles of their own professionally, personally and with loved ones. From within my turmoil I felt compelled to confront my discouragement openly in this post, in the hopes that others might find comfort in knowing how I deal with discouragement.

In January of 2011, less than six weeks after moving to Thailand with my wife, I contracted Dengue Fever from an infected mosquito. Known as ‘Bone Break Fever’, Dengue Fever infects up to 100 Million people each year and has no known cure. Symptoms vary slightly but share one common factor – extreme pain. Headaches, joint pain and muscle pain are at the core of dengue symptoms along with uncontrollable fevers, rashes and bouts of fatigue. A healthy 30yr old American male, the disease wrecked me physically. I spent 7 consecutive days sleeping in fits, fighting off a 104 degree fever, and rejecting all food. All my wife could do for me was mix water and Gatorade together to keep me from dehydrating while the fever ran its course. My weight dropped rapidly and my confidence went with it. When I finally pulled myself out of bed on day 8, the mirror looked back with hollow cheeks and sunken eyes.

My fear that first day out of bed was that I would never get back to the level of health I had before dengue. Also on my mind was the fact that should I contract Dengue Fever a second time, my chances for survival would drop by about 5% and leave me vulnerable to a hemorrhagic fever – one where the autoimmune system cannot fight off the disease. I was overwhelmed with discouragement. Unlike the United States, Southeast Asia never implemented mosquito control measures to fight off or eliminate the disease. Living and traveling in Thailand would pose a constant threat of repeat infection.

I had two options at this point: give in to the discouragement and live in fear of another infection, or face my discouragement head-on to live the life I wanted. When facing debilitating fear, there can only be one answer – fight. Only fighting gives you the hope of winning. Giving up is a guaranteed loss. So I fought.

My body recovered fairly quickly in terms of energy levels and flexibility. While it took me 2 years to gain back the weight that I had lost, I was able to start running again within just a few months. When I look back at photos before and after my stint with dengue, I see the impact from that one little bite. But when I look back on the story of my life, I am so glad that I did not let discouragement change my course.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

I’ll never understand why I chose to run my first (and only!) ultramarathon at 31 years old in the sweltering heat of Thailand. Maybe it was the result of too many Singha beers and sweaty nights after living 2 years in Thailand’s capital city, Bangkok. Maybe I should blame my triathlete friend who found the race, gave me the idea and promised to run with me. Whatever the reason, I found myself standing at a starting line with 200 runners, one friend and a random Japanese tourist decked in Hello Kitty attire at 5am on a steamy morning in 2012.

An active runner since high-school, I learned early on that my running talent is utterly average. I continued to run through college and my late 20’s mainly as a means to meet girls and prevent the proverbial man-belly. My health history in Thailand had been less than ideal, plagued with instances of food poisoning, foot injuries and a scary stint with Dengue Fever – a mosquito born disease that cost me significant weight loss the previous year. I suppose this race offered me an opportunity to reclaim some of the magic I felt had been lost to a desk job, entering my 30s and suffering a handful of health setbacks.

Victory – that feeling of winning – is an important motivator for all of us. It gives us the sense that our time and effort counted for something. History teaches us that, ‘to the victor go the spoils,’ and we are encouraged to pursue, ‘Victory at all costs!’ With all the pomp and rhetoric, the real value of victory is lost. Thinking that victory is a conclusion diminishes its utility for the future. Rather than treat victory as a single achievement that marks the end of an endeavor, I propose that we consider victory a mile marker on a larger journey for growth.

My first few steps after the starting gun on that humid morning in 2012 were a victory for me. Every morning run, epsom salt bath, healthy dinner and supportive word from my wife gave me hope and encouragement to train another day for a race that was way out of my league. Before the race ever began, the workouts alone had returned me to health, brought me new friendships, inspired others to exercise and given me renewed confidence. All these were victories, too. 

50 kilometers later, after 5 grueling hours running past Buddhist temples, through banana plantations, coconut groves and white sand beaches I crossed the finish line. The race was one of attrition; nearly half of the runners had dropped out of the race by the time I had finished. The heat, distance between support stations and challenging terrain favored tenacity over form. Looking forward to my complimentary Thai massage and chicken fried rice, you can imagine my surprise when I was called to the stage and awarded the 3rd place finisher medal. While my amateur running career started and ended that day, my journey continues and I always remember to celebrate the victories.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail

There is a special, productive relationship between evolution and revolution. In preparing for this post I was surprised to find that a number of articles argue the opposite – that revolution and evolution are diametrically opposed. Technocrats, theologians and even anarchists agree that the benefits of evolution contradict the benefits of revolution, and vice versa. Realizing that each person will come to their own conclusions, this post is dedicated to those willing to consider revolutionary evolution as a path to great achievement.

Evolution is defined as, ‘the development of something from a simple to a complex form.’ Evolution is a slow, steady change agent that seeks continual improvement. Consider your daily routine as an example. With each new life change, our daily routines are impacted and we suffer a period of transition: a change of season, a new job, a new child, etc. Few sit down and create a plan to account for the changes. Instead, we trust that a new routine will evolve naturally over time. Evolution is the guarantee that perseverance will yield improvement.

Revolution is defined as, ‘a forcible overthrow in favor of a new system.’ Unlike evolution, revolution is the deliberate choice to pursue something new. When we find ourselves in a situation that we do not want, where we do not thrive, or where we feel confined, we always have the option to revolt. Similarly, if we find a new system that we prefer (new job, new partner, new place) we also have the option to revolt and leave the old behind. Whether expressed as words, actions or both, revolution is the promise of freedom.

The partnership of both concepts together gives us the confidence to persist (evolution) and the freedom to change course (revolution). While conventional thought dictates that we must choose between the two, the greatest success awaits those who can leverage both. Nowhere is this truth more apparent than in goal setting.

Too often, the journey of goal setting is neutered down to simple pass-fail criteria; Meet the goal = pass, Miss the goal = fail. I argue that goal setting is revolutionary evolution at its best! A person makes a New Year’s resolution to lose 30 pounds. During their weight loss routine, they discover a passion for running – EVOLUTION! Their passion connects them to a new group of friends and inspires a new healthy lifestyle – REVOLUTION! One year later, the person’s body has been transformed to support their fitness but they only lost 20 lbs. Pass-fail criteria has no place among great achievements.

 In 1968, an engineer named Spencer Silver was ridiculed when he did not meet his goal to create a powerful new adhesive. Despite repeated demonstrations that his new adhesive had value, his career and reputation suffered because others judged his goal to be a failure. Six years later, a colleague named Art Fry attended one of Spencer’s demonstrations and realized the importance of Spencer’s new invention. It was immediately patented and trademarked as The Post-It Note. That ‘failure’ now earns the company 3M $1 billion a year.

Evolution will bring revolution, and revolution lays the foundation for new evolution. Trust your journey and seek out those who recognize the value of your effort. Failure is a simple concept for simple thinking; it does not account for growth, challenge, or impact. Me.Now. has launched a revolution against simple thinking. All are welcome to evolve with us.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail