Tag: courage

One Year Closer

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

There are not words to adequately express my thanks as I look back over the first year of the Me.Now. Movement. A year ago, I was an idealist with no experience managing a website or writing blog posts. Today, I am a published author and award-winning speaker with a new daughter, midway through my MBA. Allowing myself to value ‘Me’, and to take action ‘Now’ has given me courage and opportunity I never knew before. And for those who have journeyed with me, I know the same is true for you.

With the new year fast approaching, I am eager to share that new opportunities continue to present themselves for our community! Podcast hosts, bloggers and event coordinators have started reaching out to me for interviews and speaking engagements for 2018. One particularly exciting development happened in late November 2017 when I was approached by two separate casting agencies for large-scale, national television production projects. While I’ve always felt comfortable behind a keyboard or on a stage, the challenge of preparing myself to talk in front of a camera was humbling and unnerving. I cannot share details of either project at this point, but I promise to update this group as soon as possible after I find out if either, neither or both opportunities choose to move me forward! 

To wrap up 2017, I am excited to revisit the 4 goals we set for this first year and happy to report that 3 of those goals have been met or exceeded. I will have to challenge us further to reach new heights in 2018!

  1. Grow the movement by 1 member per week in 2017.
    STATUS: Our Movement has grown to 78 active members and more than 100 followers. That is 340% above our objective! We’ve seen members change careers, grow families, start new businesses and achieve new healthy lifestyles. The message behind the Me.Now. Movement is stronger than ever because of the courage, commitment and community this group represents.
  2. Gain exposure for the Movement on 1 public media outlet in 2017.
    STATUS: The Me.Now. Movement has gained exposure in newsprint, multiple podcasts, and two separate news media interviews! It would appear that our original goal was not as aggressive as I had thought. Once the Movement’s mission was shared, it quickly grew momentum among those eager to build a better future.
  3. Generate $5,000 in income to grow the Movement in 2017.
    STATUS: Unfortunately, this goal was missed in 2017. With just under $4,000 generated, our Movement was able to grow considerably in terms of professionalization and promotion. Despite missing our financial target, I am confident that 2018 will come with new avenues to raise the capital we need to keep growing!
  4. Write 1 blog post a week on the Me.Now. Movement website in 2017.
    STATUS: Our weekly blog posts continued through October 2017, at which point a new opportunity arose to translate blog content into book publication. After a few discouraging obstacles, I was successful in getting ‘Everyday Espionage: Winning the Workplace’ published as an eBook with a limited print edition. Many of you reading this post have that hard-copy print edition in your possession. A second installment is already in the works for 2018 and I am excited to keep growing our Movement’s legacy! 

We are one year closer to where we want to be. Even though the destination is unclear, the progress is undeniable. I continue to find my inspiration from this group and from those of you taking risks and seeing achievement along side me. For all of you, I am grateful and humbled to call you friends. 

For those exploring the Me.Now. Movement, welcome. For those ready to commit to your journey, I commend you! And for those who trek every day through the fear and doubt of accomplishment, I and others stand beside you to lift you up and celebrate your success. Journey on.

One Life. No Compromises.

 

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Stand Out

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

A woman stood in front of me yesterday and said, “I want to quit school. What can you say to keep me in school?”

I told her that quitting is always an option, and it is a popular option. And when things get difficult and we get tired, the option to quit becomes even more appealing. But those who persevere through doubt become the hope for others. And hope can stand out.

I told her that something once inspired her to go to school, and that the ambition to finish is still inside her. When we quit, ambition does not go away. Instead, we leave it in darkness and look away. But ambition is like a light. And light can stand out.

The oceans are full of boats that travel near and far. And when night falls or storm clouds darken the sky, sailors seek a light on the shore to guide them home; to bring them hope. Each of us has the option to be the lighthouse that guides others or be the boat lost at sea. We all have the option to quit. We also have the option to stand out.

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REWIND: Celebrate the Victories

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

This week reminded me of a post I wrote back in January 2017 – Celebrate the Victories. My week was packed with new baby challenges, grad school finals, public speaking engagements and the routine joys of a day job. By the grace of a loving wife and good fortune, I have a few minutes to write this post before settling in for a weekend with the family and the start of a new graduate school semester.

It is easy to become overwhelmed by our desire to achieve, and to forget to celebrate the victories we have along the way. Such was the case for me this week, when I found myself stressed and panicked on Thursday afternoon, certain that I was going to fail one of the many obligations I had still ahead of me. And in that place of fear and doubt, my mind landed on the idea that even if I did fail to meet my goals this week, I had come so far already. Challenges and opportunities can equally be perceived as burdens or blessings. And when we forget to celebrate victories, we find ourselves increasingly burdened and decreasingly blessed.

While I felt buried by the opportunities facing me, afraid of failure and embarrassment, my fear lifted when I realized that the challenges I was facing were instigated by my own successes. Victories are important. They pick us up, give us perspective, and motivate us to keep persevering. Great achievements are not borne from fear and doubt but from courage and commitment. And realizing our potential and recognizing our accomplishments gives us the encouragement we need to continue forward in the face of fear.

Take stock of where you are. See what you have accomplished. And when you feel like your goals may be too far to reach, perhaps it’s time to stop looking forward and instead take a quick look back. Seeing the distance between where you were and where you are can often lift you up to where you want to be.

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Predatory Priorities

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

Every child of the 80s knows and loves Sesame Street’s resident sugar fiend – Cookie Monster. For those without children, Cookie now goes by the name, ‘Veggie Monster’ and sings how, “A cookie is a sometimes food” instead of his classic, “C is for Cookie.” While the passing of an iconic cookie jar and endless cookie metaphors is sad, I fully support the growing movement to combat childhood obesity and type II diabetes. But whether its cookies or veggies, the fact still remains that monsters are out there who want to eat and eat and eat. And for anyone pursuing their goals, we must be wary of those monsters that eat up our time.

There seems to be a trend among bloggers to give practical tips on how to do things; a plethora of digital ‘How to’ manuals floating endlessly on the internet. In an effort to better serve the Me.Now. community, I offer this week’s post in ‘How to’ form. Please leave your feedback in the comments section below so I can understand if this is a format you enjoy! Without further ado, I present:

“How to avoid predatory priorities with 3 easy questions”

A predatory priority, also known as a ‘time suck,’ ‘succubus,’ ‘waste of time,’ ‘fool’s errand,’ ‘red herring,’ or ‘snipe hunt’ is a false priority that consumes time without providing any return for the effort. I call it a false priority because, had we recognized the predator for what it was in the beginning, we never would have given it our time and attention. Instead we have been captured by it – snared in its teeth and mauled by its constant churn. While hindsight is 20/20 and we know the trap when we are in it, experience as prey does not necessarily equate to prevention. I therefore offer the following questions as a checklist that we can use before committing to new activities, new relationships, or new projects. By asking ourselves the following questions and answering them honestly, we can recognize predatory priorities and escape them before they strike!

Question 1: Will this act/relationship/project bring me closer to my goals? Too often we answer this question with, “It can’t hurt to try!” And even after we learn that YES – it can absolutely hurt to try – we still find ourselves answering the same way again and again. If we want to avoid a predator, we first have to open our eyes and see it. When we lean on failed wisdom like ‘it can’t hurt to try,’ we are closing our eyes willingly and serving ourselves up for anyone or anything that wants to consume our time and resources. Instead, answer the question honestly. YES – this will bring me closer to my goals; NO – this will not bring me closer to my goals, or I DON’T KNOW – I need more information to determine Yes or No. Not knowing is a totally acceptable answer. It gives you the space to learn more without committing yourself to something you don’t understand and may not enjoy. Predatory priorities want you to commit in ignorance and feel obligated to stay even after you recognize the trap. Don’t give them the satisfaction; let them feed off someone else.

Question 2: Will this act/relationship/project introduce me to others working toward their own goals? Religious texts, cognitive research experiments, and dime-store horoscopes agree that ‘We become the company we keep.’  We’ve all seen it in our lives, usually peaking first in middle school and then again the first year of college. It happens in groups, in private, and even in public – we begin to take on the energy and the behaviors of those around us. While participating in something for entertainment purposes (a party, a multiplayer video game, a concert) can be enjoyable in the moment, we have to be careful that the moment does not turn into multiple moments that grow into a practice of being entertained. Entertainment is the worst kind of succubus and often hides itself by mimicking ‘quality time’ with others. Let me give you some examples: Facebook, Happy Hour, Night Clubs, Tailgates – while all of these things can be fun, I’m willing to bet that we do not have fun every time we participate. Even more, when our peers begin to expect our attendance, we feel pressured to keep attending. So we find ourselves spending time and resources responding to IMs we don’t care about, drinking drinks we don’t want to drink, and paying cover charges we don’t want to pay. Conversely, when you surround yourself with people working toward their own goals, you find yourself re-energized to put time and money into your own achievements and grow with the group.

Question 3: Will this act/relationship/project increase my energy or drain my energy? It’s the great family Thanksgiving Day meal question!! You know the feeling; that sinking stomach when you know that you are expected to show up, bring a dish, fake that the white meat isn’t dry, and smile your way through the over-sweetened candied yams. While family events are an easy example for this type of predator, the truth is that this scenario plays out much more often than just on holidays. We know instinctually what will energize us and what will drain us. Things that energize us are things ‘we like’ and things that drain us are usually things we ‘don’t like.’ It can feel both basic and revolutionary to abandon perceived obligations and strike out on your own. People might judge you, they might try to guilt you, they might even reject you, but that is how you catch a predator. Anytime shaming, guilting or judgment enters the game, you know you just cornered a beast. And nothing is more vicious than a cornered predator.

Keep these three questions in the toolbox; they are one possible rubric to help with day-to-day decisions. When we are courageous enough to consider these questions and answer them honestly, there is nothing that will keep us from our goals.

Predators prey on the weak by design. When we are strong, predators stay at bay. When the strong run together, we become even less appealing to possible predators. Run with us and see how far you can go.

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A Letter to My Son

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

My dearest little man. I am so excited for you to discover the wonders of our world. Love, adventure, joy and discovery are just a few of the gifts that make life breathtaking. Of all the wishes and dreams that I carry in my heart for you, none is greater than my hope that you will live your life to its fullest.

Know that wishes and dreams can be elusive things, my love. They can seem tauntingly close and painfully distant at the same time. They can lift us up or break our spirits with equal ease. For many, the evasive nature of dreams can cause pain too great to bear. Others tire of the chase and accept a lesser prize, unsettled and forever caged by curiosity about what might have been. But those that can persevere through doubt, fear and uncertainty are a rare and special thing. Find those few, surround yourself with them, share life together and you will never lack the courage to keep seeking.

Each of us encounters obstacles in our journey; people, resources, even knowledge. While some hurdles can be overtaken gracefully, others may seem woefully daunting. Resources and knowledge are the simplest to overcome; they are commodities that can be grown, traded and shared if ever you are lacking. People, however, pose the most challenging obstruction to navigate. In moments when you find yourself overwhelmed by relationships, sentiments, or social expectations, always remember that people are meant to encourage one another. Those that offer shame, hate, anger or derision in place of encouragement walk a different path than yours. Trust yourself to prevail against all barriers and you will. Take heart that you will find the way and lead others along with you.

I hope to grow old with you, my boy. I hope to share in your journey and see you impact the world for good in ways that I cannot imagine. I hope to be the encouraging voice that supports your dreams and emboldens you to pursue greatness. And in the moments when I am the obstacle, I ask that you remind me of my great wish for you. And I ask that you take heart, find the way, and lead me along with you.

I will love you always – Daddy

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Let Them Judge

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

In the multiverse of possible life-streams I could have lived or could be living even now, I am certain that Law is the bane of my existence in all of them. Law is about passing subjective judgments based on partial inputs managed by a process open to interpretation by experts who disagree. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that Desperate Housewives and Survivor follow the same methodology.

Judgment does little to improve our society. If anything, it demonstrates its own uselessness through a lack of productive output. And yet even though we hate the feeling of being judged, we often let the opinion of others define our sense of personal value.

We all know the cycle. First we seek our parents’ approval, then our teachers’ approval, then our friends’ approval and so on until we convince ourselves that the approval of others is the chief objective in life. Because we carry decades of approval-based life experience, we learn to proactively fear negative judgments from our employers, partners and peers. Our fears begin to drive our actions and we quickly find ourselves doing what we think we must instead of doing what we know we must. It can be hard to maintain hope in those moments when predatory judgments pin us down like prey.

But the funny thing about predators is that they only prey on the weak. We’ve all seen YouTube videos where the prey fight back: hippos crushing crocodiles, water buffalo goring lions, and birds pecking vipers. When prey fight back they are no longer targets; they are threats. Those who judge also prey on weakness; they seek to criticize those who will not fight back. Even worse, they ignore or reject those they judge unworthy of their time. But take heart! Power lies not with those who judge but with those who choose to ignore the judgement of others.   

There will always be those who judge and those who fear judgement. The key is knowing that there is also a third option: to do neither. Focus on what you want to build and recognize that judgment cannot keep pace with achievement. Judgement destroys but community constructs. Ignore those who judge you – let them judge. Your future lies in what you have yet to build.    

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Facing the Truth

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

 

There is a reason for the saying, ‘The Truth Hurts.’ The saying cuts both ways because the truth is often just as difficult to share as it is to hear. Maybe that is why the truth so often goes unspoken. But for those pursuing their ambitions and committed to their goals, there is nothing more valuable or impactful than honest, truthful feedback.

I have always been a direct person. I personally value open communication for the clarity and accountability it brings. That said, I am frequently reminded that my default is not always the default for others. Even more difficult are those moments when I advocate the truth but encounter resistance – a preference from those around me for a different version of the facts.

It is an unfortunate truth that our present world has allowed the truth to become relative. Many people readily accept alternate facts and allow their beliefs to overrule evidence. This is the new status quo. But rather than feel outraged or disheartened by the current state, I encourage us instead to redouble our commitment to speaking and hearing the truth – even when it hurts us. If we are going to shape tomorrow, if we are to build the world we dream of, we must be courageous enough to trust any pain that truth may bring.

“Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.” – Paolo Coelho 

We must be a benefit to one another. Silence, avoidance, and pretense undermine growth, development and collaboration. We cannot allow ourselves to become fearful of the truth. To do so is to accept the status quo and follow those that seed deceit. Instead, we must encourage one another through constructive feedback and admit when we are struggling with fear or doubt. Only honesty – and the trust that comes with it – can bring destructive thoughts to heel. Be strong. Be truthful. Win.

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Breaking Point

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

 

We all have a breaking point. We don’t like to admit it, but that doesn’t make it any less true. While common conventions are that breaking means we are weak, stupid or lazy, I’d offer instead that breaking is what allows us to shed what was and build what will be. Without breaking points, snakes would be trapped in skin too small, butterflies would wither inside cocoons, and new trees would starve in shadows on the forest floor.

I was broken this week and I am thankful for it. A confluence of illness within my household left me serving as nurse, chauffeur, and janitor for my wife and son as we visited urgent care, primary care, and the All Children’s hospital over the last seven days. My son developed pneumonia after a particularly severe allergy season. His pneumonia resulted in matching sinus and ear infections over the course of his treatment – compounding his required medications and his own discomfort. My pregnant wife, having just re-discovered morning sickness in her second trimester, picked up her own upper respiratory bug along the way and found herself undernourished and painfully congested. For seven days my family didn’t sleep, barely ate, and sought what comfort they could in the light of a TV that droned endlessly in the background. I prayed I would stay healthy long enough to get one of the two of them back to normal.

We live in Florida and are a proud sailing family. Our area, Tampa Bay, is consistently recognized in the top 3 places to sail in the United States. In 2015 I took a 7 day advanced sailing course. Expecting a cushy summer vacation, my trip was rocked by 5 days of uncharacteristically blustery, cold rain storms and rough water. Any hope of rest and relaxation was gone by dawn of the third day when I dressed in the same cold, wet rain-gear from the previous two days to embark on another day of high winds and cold spray. For seven days I didn’t sleep, barely ate, and sought what comfort I could on the high-side of the boat where the seasickness was minimized by fresh breeze. I was broken.

I recalled that boat trip in 2015 while holding my son, shivering in his 103 degree fever, sideways in front of an x-ray machine at Johns Hopkins All Children’s hospital on the 5th day of his sickness. I found a certain peace when I realized that this bout of illness, like that terrible wind and rain in 2015, would pass. All storms pass.

During a storm, things break – ask any sailor and they will agree. But rather than focus on what breaks, the defining mark of a seaman is what they choose to do when the storm ends. Some are fearful of the water for the rest of their lives. They stay in their slip when the wind is up and opt for an engine over a sail when they see whitecaps on the waves. But the courageous few, those who travel across oceans in personal sailboats through squalls and seas as tall as buildings – they experience life unbridled. Rather than fold their sails and return to the dock, they pick up where they left off when the storm hit. Nothing keeps them from their destination.

Everybody has a breaking point. The question is what will you do when you are broken and tired after the storms pass?

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Living Numbers

Posted on by Andrew Bustamante

  

I graduated college with a 2.5 GPA. People who know me are surprised when I tell them my college GPA. I suppose it’s because nobody expects a C-average student to intensely advocate ambition and achievement, have held the keys to nuclear missiles or have spied for CIA. Go figure.

The truth is that my 2.5 GPA haunts me everywhere I go. Even now, 14 years out of college, my GPA is a continual headache as I apply to Graduate Schools around the country. The conversation with most recruiters goes a little like this:

                “Andrew! It was great to get your application – you have a very impressive background!”

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. I am interested in your Graduate school – can you tell me about your programs?

                “Sure – one small thing first. All of our Graduate programs require a minimum 3.0 GPA. I see from your application you have a 2.53. That poses some problems for us.”

Yes, I am aware that I do not meet your preferred minimum requirements. I was hoping that my professional record and work history would help give a sense of who I am now rather than the student I was 14 years ago.

                “Yes, that does help. Even so, you may want to consider maximizing the GRE or GMAT to offset your GPA. It is difficult to support a candidate with your academic history.”

And so it goes, for about 30 minutes each time, where I try to highlight my real-world achievements and a school administrator keeps reminding me that my ‘empirical scores’ are not well suited to their program. I’ve had 25 year-old grad school interns and 60 year-old admins give me the same speech. I’m beginning to think there is an online training course called, ‘how to deal with empirical dunces applying to grad school’ – the arguments I encounter share much in common.   

While my recent experience is with academia, similar stories permeate American culture. We put so much value in numbers that we often lose sight of the purpose behind why we starting counting at all – to build a better future. Whether it’s a grad school recruiter fixated on a 3.0 GPA, a hiring manager hung-up on an applicant’s years of work experience, or a doctor firing off prescriptions based on partial diagnoses, too often we sideline common sense and current assessment in favor of historic trends. But why?

I challenge that our habitual reliance on numbers is less a matter of preference a more a matter of programming. We live in a world of inputs and outputs. Bank accounts, social media profiles and ‘personal branding’ is at the forefront for most people and requires constant cultivation. We are a culture obsessed with controlling how we are perceived by others rather than simply being who we are. As a result, we lean on past studies and documented trends to guide our current decision making. Consider my graduate school example: I am certain that it was ground breaking when an enterprising scholar in the 1970s identified the relationship between undergraduate GPA and graduate school completion rates. But since then, multiple competing systems have come into play – college rankings, school profit margins, research/grant awards, and many other metric-derived priorities. The original purpose has been so diluted that scientific journals and leading edge companies now REJECT traditional academic ranking altogether as a predictor for future success!

We have the option to build our lives based on where we want to go instead of where others think we come from. It is difficult when we encounter someone who refuses to value our potential over our past. Take heart in knowing that innovators have already started to leave behind notions that the past can predict the future. History is a tool for learning, not a road map for the unknown. I believe I am an excellent candidate for any Graduate Program I choose to attend because I genuinely want to succeed. Any institution that thinks they can predict my success tomorrow based on who I was yesterday is failing to account for today. Your potential is equally as valuable to those who have vision. 

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