REWIND: Celebrate the Victories

Posted on August 4, 2017 by Andrew Bustamante

This week reminded me of a post I wrote back in January 2017 – Celebrate the Victories. My week was packed with new baby challenges, grad school finals, public speaking engagements and the routine joys of a day job. By the grace of a loving wife and good fortune, I have a few minutes to write this post before settling in for a weekend with the family and the start of a new graduate school semester.

It is easy to become overwhelmed by our desire to achieve, and to forget to celebrate the victories we have along the way. Such was the case for me this week, when I found myself stressed and panicked on Thursday afternoon, certain that I was going to fail one of the many obligations I had still ahead of me. And in that place of fear and doubt, my mind landed on the idea that even if I did fail to meet my goals this week, I had come so far already. Challenges and opportunities can equally be perceived as burdens or blessings. And when we forget to celebrate victories, we find ourselves increasingly burdened and decreasingly blessed.

While I felt buried by the opportunities facing me, afraid of failure and embarrassment, my fear lifted when I realized that the challenges I was facing were instigated by my own successes. Victories are important. They pick us up, give us perspective, and motivate us to keep persevering. Great achievements are not borne from fear and doubt but from courage and commitment. And realizing our potential and recognizing our accomplishments gives us the encouragement we need to continue forward in the face of fear.

Take stock of where you are. See what you have accomplished. And when you feel like your goals may be too far to reach, perhaps it’s time to stop looking forward and instead take a quick look back. Seeing the distance between where you were and where you are can often lift you up to where you want to be.

Permission to Try

Posted on July 14, 2017 by Andrew Bustamante

In the eight months that I’ve been posting this blog, this is the first week I fear that I will fail to meet my Friday afternoon deadline. As I write, it still isn’t a guarantee. I have multiple work issues demanding my attention, a proctored mid-term for my master’s degree looming, and a beautifully pregnant wife that expects to go into labor any day. This is life in its naked glory – and everyone reading right now knows what life looks like when you strip it down.

Today my message is simple; we must give ourselves permission to try. We only stop trying if we permit ourselves to stop trying, so it stands to reason that we must also permit ourselves to keep trying. Today I am allowing myself to keep trying.

Instead of giving up and saying that my goal to post every Friday afternoon is too difficult this week, I’m going to try anyway. Instead of looking at the numerous obstacles ahead, I’m going to dare to try and navigate through them in time to reach the finish line. I don’t expect it will be pretty – I expect readers will find poor grammar, typos, and may even hate this week’s post. And if that is the case, I am genuinely sorry to disappoint. At the same time, if I can inspire even one person on the reading end of this page to give themselves permission to try, than the risks are worth it to me.

I am tired. My wife hasn’t slept well in weeks and the unborn baby she is carrying is measuring just under 9lbs. You can guess how tolerant she is of my work or school complaints right now. My 4 year old son is wonderful and equally a ray of sunshine and raging tornado every morning and every evening. Life is full of excuses and we can grab any one of them at any time. So my excuse for whatever outcome results from this post is that I… chose to try.

Divergent Discipline

Posted on June 30, 2017 by Andrew Bustamante

I’d wager a hefty roll of $20 bills that the word ‘discipline’ brings about unpleasant memories for most people. Discipline is most often seen as something forced, or enforced, by an outside entity. I often hear people talk about discipline as a command; “Discipline that child!” Sometimes it’s a consequence – a ‘disciplinary measure.’ I’ve even heard folks talk about discipline as an expectation; “Where is your self-discipline!?” The truth is that commands, consequences and expectations are tools used by those too weak and ignorant to lead, motivate and inspire. True change cannot be directed; it has to be cultivated. And discipline serves better as soil than as scissors in the garden of change.

While discipline can be defined as the practice of compelling obedience through punishment, it has a second definition as well. Discipline is also defined as a branch of knowledge; a higher-form of skill that approaches mastery. It is in this discipline, this skillful mastery, that we find constructive inspiration. Meditation is a discipline. Martial arts are a discipline. Focus, piano, dance – all instances of productive discipline born from positive experiences.

I encourage us to abandon the conventional idea of discipline in favor of a new, divergent approach to discipline. Conventional discipline forces us to punish mistakes. Divergent discipline allows us to accept mistakes as learning points. Conventional discipline divides us into ‘obedient’ and ‘disobedient’. Divergent discipline unites us as a community. Conventional discipline wields shame as a consequence. Divergent discipline promotes perseverance.

Our culture has leaned on coercive disciplinary practices for centuries and still we find ourselves fighting to ‘correct’ one another. We draw lines and build walls to separate us. Instead, let us embrace a new, divergent discipline that empowers us to learn and grow together. Cooperation is a discipline, after all, and our future will grow better if we shape rather than sever its branches

A Letter to My Son

Posted on June 15, 2017June 16, 2017 by Andrew Bustamante

My dearest little man. I am so excited for you to discover the wonders of our world. Love, adventure, joy and discovery are just a few of the gifts that make life breathtaking. Of all the wishes and dreams that I carry in my heart for you, none is greater than my hope that you will live your life to its fullest.

Know that wishes and dreams can be elusive things, my love. They can seem tauntingly close and painfully distant at the same time. They can lift us up or break our spirits with equal ease. For many, the evasive nature of dreams can cause pain too great to bear. Others tire of the chase and accept a lesser prize, unsettled and forever caged by curiosity about what might have been. But those that can persevere through doubt, fear and uncertainty are a rare and special thing. Find those few, surround yourself with them, share life together and you will never lack the courage to keep seeking.

Each of us encounters obstacles in our journey; people, resources, even knowledge. While some hurdles can be overtaken gracefully, others may seem woefully daunting. Resources and knowledge are the simplest to overcome; they are commodities that can be grown, traded and shared if ever you are lacking. People, however, pose the most challenging obstruction to navigate. In moments when you find yourself overwhelmed by relationships, sentiments, or social expectations, always remember that people are meant to encourage one another. Those that offer shame, hate, anger or derision in place of encouragement walk a different path than yours. Trust yourself to prevail against all barriers and you will. Take heart that you will find the way and lead others along with you.

I hope to grow old with you, my boy. I hope to share in your journey and see you impact the world for good in ways that I cannot imagine. I hope to be the encouraging voice that supports your dreams and emboldens you to pursue greatness. And in the moments when I am the obstacle, I ask that you remind me of my great wish for you. And I ask that you take heart, find the way, and lead me along with you.

I will love you always – Daddy

Let Them Judge

Posted on June 9, 2017 by Andrew Bustamante

In the multiverse of possible life-streams I could have lived or could be living even now, I am certain that Law is the bane of my existence in all of them. Law is about passing subjective judgments based on partial inputs managed by a process open to interpretation by experts who disagree. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that Desperate Housewives and Survivor follow the same methodology.

Judgment does little to improve our society. If anything, it demonstrates its own uselessness through a lack of productive output. And yet even though we hate the feeling of being judged, we often let the opinion of others define our sense of personal value.

We all know the cycle. First we seek our parents’ approval, then our teachers’ approval, then our friends’ approval and so on until we convince ourselves that the approval of others is the chief objective in life. Because we carry decades of approval-based life experience, we learn to proactively fear negative judgments from our employers, partners and peers. Our fears begin to drive our actions and we quickly find ourselves doing what we think we must instead of doing what we know we must. It can be hard to maintain hope in those moments when predatory judgments pin us down like prey.

But the funny thing about predators is that they only prey on the weak. We’ve all seen YouTube videos where the prey fight back: hippos crushing crocodiles, water buffalo goring lions, and birds pecking vipers. When prey fight back they are no longer targets; they are threats. Those who judge also prey on weakness; they seek to criticize those who will not fight back. Even worse, they ignore or reject those they judge unworthy of their time. But take heart! Power lies not with those who judge but with those who choose to ignore the judgement of others.

There will always be those who judge and those who fear judgement. The key is knowing that there is also a third option: to do neither. Focus on what you want to build and recognize that judgment cannot keep pace with achievement. Judgement destroys but community constructs. Ignore those who judge you – let them judge. Your future lies in what you have yet to build.