I’d wager a hefty roll of $20 bills that the word ‘discipline’ brings about unpleasant memories for most people. Discipline is most often seen as something forced, or enforced, by an outside entity. I often hear people talk about discipline as a command; “Discipline that child!” Sometimes it’s a consequence – a ‘disciplinary measure.’ I’ve even heard folks talk about discipline as an expectation; “Where is your self-discipline!?” The truth is that commands, consequences and expectations are tools used by those too weak and ignorant to lead, motivate and inspire. True change cannot be directed; it has to be cultivated. And discipline serves better as soil than as scissors in the garden of change.

While discipline can be defined as the practice of compelling obedience through punishment, it has a second definition as well. Discipline is also defined as a branch of knowledge; a higher-form of skill that approaches mastery. It is in this discipline, this skillful mastery, that we find constructive inspiration. Meditation is a discipline. Martial arts are a discipline. Focus, piano, dance – all instances of productive discipline born from positive experiences.

I encourage us to abandon the conventional idea of discipline in favor of a new, divergent approach to discipline. Conventional discipline forces us to punish mistakes. Divergent discipline allows us to accept mistakes as learning points. Conventional discipline divides us into ‘obedient’ and ‘disobedient’. Divergent discipline unites us as a community. Conventional discipline wields shame as a consequence. Divergent discipline promotes perseverance.

Our culture has leaned on coercive disciplinary practices for centuries and still we find ourselves fighting to ‘correct’ one another. We draw lines and build walls to separate us. Instead, let us embrace a new, divergent discipline that empowers us to learn and grow together. Cooperation is a discipline, after all, and our future will grow better if we shape rather than sever its branches

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At my college graduation, our keynote speaker was expected to speak for over 90 minutes! The graduation was outside in late May and the 800 graduating students were in full military dress uniform: heavy wool jackets with high collars, long wool trousers, starched shirts and shirt garters. If you don’t know what a shirt garter is, consider yourself lucky. It is a piece of elastic that connects your uniform shirt to your socks and must have been invented by a Nazi party fashionista.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to pay attention to some round-bellied politician pontificating for over an hour in the heat, so I decided to take a Nintendo Gameboy to graduation with me. Since there is nowhere to carry a Gameboy in dress uniform, I built a neck strap out of shoelaces and paperclips to carry it. Not very pretty, but it worked. And when the speaker got up to give his keynote, I popped open Yoshi World and went to a happier place for a while. If you’ve ever played Yoshi World, you know it’s a terrible game. But it was better than my reality right then and there.

By all measures, video games have ruled the entertainment world for the last 20 years.

  • In 2009, Black Ops grossed 300% more than Toy Story 3
  • In 2010, Avatar and Modern Warfare 2 shared the same opening week and Modern Warfare grossed 200% more than ticket sales for Avatar
  • In 2012, when the first Avengers move came out, the sequel to Black Ops outsold the blockbuster by $403m

 But why? Why are these games so popular, and more importantly, how can we learn from their success?

The answers can be found in 1988.

The top 2 video games in 1988 belonged to one system – Nintendo. Nintendo dominated the market and its highest selling games were sequels of previous hit games: Megaman 2 and Super Mario Bros. 3. Emerging companies like Sega and Namco were trying hard to break into Nintendo’s market. They created copycats of popular Nintendo games, merged with video game producers that previously partnered with Nintendo, and otherwise worked to block existing partners from reaching Nintendo. That was the way the world worked: copy the success of others, starve the competition, compete for a limited share.

Nintendo saw the hostility of the market and decided to explore a new idea; a new game that would break every rule in the video game world. At the time, it was believed that games had to be linear – built on a set storyline where memorized patterns and repetitive practice would allow everyone to beat the game. Anyone who has played Mario Bros., Tomb Raider or Metal Gear Solid knows what linear game-play feels like. Linear games were the rage and video-game publishers wanted to be in the game, so they did whatever it took to be players.

Amid all the infighting and conflict, Nintendo released their special project – the Legend of Zelda. Zelda was the first non-linear game ever produced and to this day is considered by gaming experts to be “The greatest, most influential game of all time.”

Zelda allowed players to explore an open world. The play was non-linear, meaning every individual player had a different experience. It was the first game where players could choose how to equip their character, save their progress, and complete side-quests in addition to the primary story. This variety allowed infinite options for gamers Every time you played the experience was unique. Where other games forced you to follow a set path, Zelda allowed you to write your own story. The legend was your own.

Video games are a powerful lens from which to consider life. Many people see life as a linear game; a predictable series of events that must be completed in a certain order before you can move to the next level. And even though we know the pattern and have seen others complete the story, we are not compelled to pay attention. So instead, we turn to video games. We turn to a non-linear world where anything is possible. But there is a secret out there that nobody talks about – a game cheat that very few realize and even fewer use: Our lives can be non-linear. We can be anything we want to be. We can build our own legend.

The world we live in today is not much different from that of 1988. Businesses are copying one another and mergers outnumber innovations, fighting for a limited share. We see new examples every day: Snapchat stories become Instragram stories; Instragram Live becomes Facebook Live; Uber begets Lyft begets Gett, Juno, and a host of other rideshare apps. The game is linear – predictable, repetitive and boring. The world needs people who are willing to change the game.

I hope I don’t disappointment anyone when I say, “video games can teach us.” They teach us determination, focus, commitment. They teach us how to struggle with frustration, how to collaborate with teammates, how to persevere and overcome. Parents, I encourage you to sit next your resident gamer and see how they rise to the challenge in a non-linear virtual world. See the confidence, intelligence and problem solving skills you instilled in them come alive on the screen. You will be awe-struck if you let yourself watch. The minds that can master these games are the minds that can change our world.

You men and women are a living legacy for your families. You represent a generation of college-bound students with the opportunity to shape history. University life, like all of life, can be linear or non-linear. You can do what others have done before you and compete for a limited share, or you can opt for a different adventure, challenge yourself, and create something incredible.

We live in an open world; a world where you can choose your equipment, save your progress, find allies and fight evil. Side-quests are everywhere and boss battles lie ahead. You deserve more than simple patterns and bonus lives. Recognize the infinite possibilities that lie before you. Don’t jump from goomba to goomba, hoping for fireballs, super mushrooms or invincibility stars. Instead, explore your world, discover your potential, and build your legend.

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My dearest little man. I am so excited for you to discover the wonders of our world. Love, adventure, joy and discovery are just a few of the gifts that make life breathtaking. Of all the wishes and dreams that I carry in my heart for you, none is greater than my hope that you will live your life to its fullest.

Know that wishes and dreams can be elusive things, my love. They can seem tauntingly close and painfully distant at the same time. They can lift us up or break our spirits with equal ease. For many, the evasive nature of dreams can cause pain too great to bear. Others tire of the chase and accept a lesser prize, unsettled and forever caged by curiosity about what might have been. But those that can persevere through doubt, fear and uncertainty are a rare and special thing. Find those few, surround yourself with them, share life together and you will never lack the courage to keep seeking.

Each of us encounters obstacles in our journey; people, resources, even knowledge. While some hurdles can be overtaken gracefully, others may seem woefully daunting. Resources and knowledge are the simplest to overcome; they are commodities that can be grown, traded and shared if ever you are lacking. People, however, pose the most challenging obstruction to navigate. In moments when you find yourself overwhelmed by relationships, sentiments, or social expectations, always remember that people are meant to encourage one another. Those that offer shame, hate, anger or derision in place of encouragement walk a different path than yours. Trust yourself to prevail against all barriers and you will. Take heart that you will find the way and lead others along with you.

I hope to grow old with you, my boy. I hope to share in your journey and see you impact the world for good in ways that I cannot imagine. I hope to be the encouraging voice that supports your dreams and emboldens you to pursue greatness. And in the moments when I am the obstacle, I ask that you remind me of my great wish for you. And I ask that you take heart, find the way, and lead me along with you.

I will love you always – Daddy

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In the multiverse of possible life-streams I could have lived or could be living even now, I am certain that Law is the bane of my existence in all of them. Law is about passing subjective judgments based on partial inputs managed by a process open to interpretation by experts who disagree. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that Desperate Housewives and Survivor follow the same methodology.

Judgment does little to improve our society. If anything, it demonstrates its own uselessness through a lack of productive output. And yet even though we hate the feeling of being judged, we often let the opinion of others define our sense of personal value.

We all know the cycle. First we seek our parents’ approval, then our teachers’ approval, then our friends’ approval and so on until we convince ourselves that the approval of others is the chief objective in life. Because we carry decades of approval-based life experience, we learn to proactively fear negative judgments from our employers, partners and peers. Our fears begin to drive our actions and we quickly find ourselves doing what we think we must instead of doing what we know we must. It can be hard to maintain hope in those moments when predatory judgments pin us down like prey.

But the funny thing about predators is that they only prey on the weak. We’ve all seen YouTube videos where the prey fight back: hippos crushing crocodiles, water buffalo goring lions, and birds pecking vipers. When prey fight back they are no longer targets; they are threats. Those who judge also prey on weakness; they seek to criticize those who will not fight back. Even worse, they ignore or reject those they judge unworthy of their time. But take heart! Power lies not with those who judge but with those who choose to ignore the judgement of others.   

There will always be those who judge and those who fear judgement. The key is knowing that there is also a third option: to do neither. Focus on what you want to build and recognize that judgment cannot keep pace with achievement. Judgement destroys but community constructs. Ignore those who judge you – let them judge. Your future lies in what you have yet to build.    

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Convergent  –  \kən-ˈvər-jənt\ – Adjective: tending to move toward one point or to approach each other. EX: A tornado is powered by convergent airflow.

This week showed me the power of convergent community; a group of individuals moving toward a single point while at the same time moving toward one another. Merriam-Webster’s reference above to the power of a tornado is absolutely fitting. In a time where so much seems to divide us, I am grateful for the opportunity to see the impact when community unites us.

It all started with a simple blog post by William Mohaupt: St. Petersburg, Florida. Most people blog because they love to write. Writing for the pleasure of others is stressful and intimidating, but writing for your own joy is liberating and empowering. So was the story here, when William wrote about his recent trip to Florida and posted it to his virtual portfolio on WordPress. For a few days, his readership came in ones and twos like all new bloggers. Then on the fourth day his readership spiked into the hundreds. Days five and six continued to grow exponentially and his post blew past the one thousand reader mark. Today, twelve days later, his post has been viewed by more than 3,000 people!

A quick Google search will show that most bloggers are happy to have 200 views in a day. New bloggers often go a full year with fewer than 50 views a day. The blog you are reading has a good day when 40 viewers stop by. For those of us dedicated to sharing, the metrics are second to the purpose behind the content. That said, seeing how far your writing can reach is a powerful experience.

I find incredible encouragement and wisdom in posts by a young British blogger named Matt Kitson. While I’ve never met Matt, I am pretty sure of two things: 1) he and I are part of a convergent community dedicated to inspiring change, and 2) neither of us have seen 3,000 readers yet (MATT: My apologies if I’m wrong!). After seeing William’s post explode past 3,000 viewers, I couldn’t help but compare myself and wonder if my ‘good day at 40’ viewership was a sign of failure. Then one of Matt’s posts jumped into my head: Top Life Lessons I’ve learned from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book. In this post, Matt summarized Arnold’s views on his blockbuster flop, ‘Last Action Hero.’ Using Arnold’s story, Matt shared the message that the, “world doesn’t care about your failure,” and instead we should look ahead to our future successes.

When we compare ourselves to others as a way to validate success or failure, we stop being part of the community. In the same way a tornado funnels into one point on the earth, all those who focus building a better future will one day converge and drive powerful change. Nobody counts the number of times we fail, or miss, or flop; the only metric that counts is the metric that shows we tried. Only those that never start are guaranteed never to see the finish line. 

So where do all these pieces converge? William wrote his blog post on May 20th. I shared it with my ‘good day at 40’ followers on May 23rd, one of which happened to tag a restaurant discussed in William’s post. The social media person for that restaurant decided to reply to my post and re-post William’s blog on May 24th. 3,000 views later, the post keeps growing. I keep posting even when I doubt myself because of people like Matt who share wisdom from people like Arnold. My viewers grow, as do Matt’s, as do William’s. And in the end, our tornado will change the world.

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Mohammad Ali 

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